I try to keep a straight face when Emma does something that she shouldn't, but it cracks me up and I'm dying laughing on the inside. Tonight, I just couldn't hold it in. We were praying at bedtime and I was last to pray. My prayer goes something like this:
"God, thank you for today and being able to open presents. Thank you for Kaleb and how much fun we have, how very smart Kaleb is..." only to be interrupted.
Emma: He's not very smart.
Dad: Emma, that's naughty. Kaleb is very smart and I don't want you to ever say that again. Do you hear me? [Yes, I can hear my own father saying the exact same thing to me 25 years ago.]
Emma: [Silence]
Dad: Emma, do you hear me?
Emma: Yes, I hear you.
Dad: What did I say?
Emma: You said 'Emma, do you hear me?'
Dad: No, about Kaleb being smart. I don't ever want to hear you say Kaleb is not smart. Emma, I want you to say to me "I will never say Kaleb is not very smart.", okay?
Emma: Okay. "I will never say Kaleb is not very smart...hey, I just said it again!"
How in the world is a parent supposed to keep a straight face after hearing that?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Christmas Shopping Made Easy
The last 2 weeks have been incredibly hectic. It seems like 18 deadlines on cases came due at the exact same time. Since in the last 2 weeks I rarely got home before the kids were in bed, I didn't get a lot of choice Emma-Isms to pass along. Today, though, is a different story.
Emma seems to have a horrible bias against cleaning. I'm 110% sure she got that from me. In her avoidance of cleaning, she got into Krystin's jewelry. As a backstory to what took place this afternoon, this morning Emma was complaining to Krystin saying "It's not fair. I have zero rings and you have a bunch of rings. How come I don't have a bunch of rings?"
Krystin found one of Emma's purses hanging on a random door handle in the hall. As Krystin goes to put the purse away, she finds a little jewelry box inside. The following conversation took place next.
Krystin: What is this in your purse?
Emma: No Mommy! Don't open your Christmas present!
[Krystin opens the box.]
Krystin: These are my rings Emma!
Emma: [Spoken sadly:] I was going to give them to you for Christmas.
So, if you're having trouble deciding what to give someone for Christmas, or it's December 24th and you're in panic mode, take Emma's advice: Give the gift that's already been given. You know they'll love it!
Emma seems to have a horrible bias against cleaning. I'm 110% sure she got that from me. In her avoidance of cleaning, she got into Krystin's jewelry. As a backstory to what took place this afternoon, this morning Emma was complaining to Krystin saying "It's not fair. I have zero rings and you have a bunch of rings. How come I don't have a bunch of rings?"
Krystin found one of Emma's purses hanging on a random door handle in the hall. As Krystin goes to put the purse away, she finds a little jewelry box inside. The following conversation took place next.
Krystin: What is this in your purse?
Emma: No Mommy! Don't open your Christmas present!
[Krystin opens the box.]
Krystin: These are my rings Emma!
Emma: [Spoken sadly:] I was going to give them to you for Christmas.
So, if you're having trouble deciding what to give someone for Christmas, or it's December 24th and you're in panic mode, take Emma's advice: Give the gift that's already been given. You know they'll love it!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Cinderella...I feel ya sister!
Tonight before bed, Emma decided to play dress up. Nothing wrong with a little healthy fantasy play. So, Emma gets one of her princess dresses on and comes out to the living room. Krystin sees her and says
Krystin: Emma, you're supposed to be in your room cleaning before you go to bed.
Emma: (In a very low, sullen voice) Ok step-mother.
To all the relatives, please do NOT give her Cinderella for a Christmas present!
Krystin: Emma, you're supposed to be in your room cleaning before you go to bed.
Emma: (In a very low, sullen voice) Ok step-mother.
To all the relatives, please do NOT give her Cinderella for a Christmas present!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tricking my Tongue
Tonight Emma was not crazy about the chicken broccoli and rice casserole we were having for dinner, but she really wanted some chocolate pudding. I told her she had to eat the casserole if she wanted the pudding. She whined, "But I don't like this dinner!" I replied, "Just start saying you love it. Maybe you can trick your tongue and your mouth will start liking it." A few minutes later I hear her talking to herself saying, "I love it, I LOVE it! This is so yummy! Ha, tongue, I tricked you! MOM!!!! It's really working! I ate it all gone!"
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Selling Eliza Kate
Most of you know that I design little girls' clothing and sell it through a company I call Eliza Kate Designs. If you didn't, hop on over and have a look around at this season's designs! http://www.elizakatedesigns.com/ (shameless plug)
A friend had a trunk show at her house this weekend, and Emma really wanted to come along, so I brought her. She loves wearing my designs and telling everyone mommy made them. How can I argue with that kind of free advertising, right? People are seriously going to think I put her up to this, but I swear I had nothing to do with it! She asked the hostess of the party, "Do you sew?" The hostess replied, "Terribly, so I guess, no, I don't." Emma said, "Ok, that's why you need that catalog I just gave you." Then she proceeded to pass out order forms in the same manner to other people at the party. Nothing wrong with letting a three year old earn her keep, right?
Monday, November 30, 2009
My Little Stylist
Emma has begun to take her creative genius to a new level. She has now taken on hair styling. After seeing many such styles on her own hair, it should stand to reason that my own hair would very soon become vicitm to her outrageous stylings. She was very purposeful and serious as she added each piece. I must say that she was fired from her job before it was all over, however, because she didn't know how to get the clips back out and just started yanking. YOUCH!!!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
I need a job!!!
There is quite a battle at our house for top dog. Everyone wants to be in charge. Well, Drew doesn't care and Kaleb just wants to be left alone, so maybe it is just Emma and mommy fighting for power, oh, and the occassional interruption from Berni (our dog) trying to be in charge. Who does he think HE is anyway?
Tonight after an evening of Emma bossing Kaleb around, we found her putting him into a headlock trying to persuade him physically to do what she wanted. She, of course, was punished for this, but the crying that insued after being punished made me find a place to hide so I could laugh about it. She was crying, "I need a job, a real job, a really real job!" I had to find out what she was talking about.
Mommy: What do you mean Emma?
Emma: It's not fair! I have zero jobs, but you have one job and daddy has TWO jobs!
Mommy: What jobs does daddy have?
Emma: Daddy is an attorney, so he has to go to work for that. That is his first job, and his second job is to help you.
Mommy: What is my one job?
Emma: (pause). . . . . . ummmm, I don't know.
(I guess, I don't do enough, huh?)
Mommy: So what job do you think you need?
Emma: I want the job to tell Kaleb to clean up toys and get in his high chair.
Mommy: Oooh, sorry, Emma. That's my job.
Emma: I want a job like that. I want to be a mommy ALREADY!
Gee, I sure wish it were that easy and all I had to do was just boss little kids around! :)
Tonight after an evening of Emma bossing Kaleb around, we found her putting him into a headlock trying to persuade him physically to do what she wanted. She, of course, was punished for this, but the crying that insued after being punished made me find a place to hide so I could laugh about it. She was crying, "I need a job, a real job, a really real job!" I had to find out what she was talking about.
Mommy: What do you mean Emma?
Emma: It's not fair! I have zero jobs, but you have one job and daddy has TWO jobs!
Mommy: What jobs does daddy have?
Emma: Daddy is an attorney, so he has to go to work for that. That is his first job, and his second job is to help you.
Mommy: What is my one job?
Emma: (pause). . . . . . ummmm, I don't know.
(I guess, I don't do enough, huh?)
Mommy: So what job do you think you need?
Emma: I want the job to tell Kaleb to clean up toys and get in his high chair.
Mommy: Oooh, sorry, Emma. That's my job.
Emma: I want a job like that. I want to be a mommy ALREADY!
Gee, I sure wish it were that easy and all I had to do was just boss little kids around! :)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Apple Pie Recipe
We are having Thanksgiving Dinner early at our house this year, so I have been cooking all day today in order to get everything ready for dinner tonight. I have been bombarded with turkey observavtions and questions as I cook. Here are a few.
Is our turkey a girl or boy?
Does it hurt the turkey to cook it?
Where is the turkey's head?
Does it have eyes?
How come it can't walk? Where are it's feet?
Are you sure we should be eating this?
I think it's a boy turkey and I don't think his wife will be very happy about this!
Emma has also been helping me cook and she decided to write a recipe of her own for apple pie. Ok, so the picture is actually my recipe, but I just wanted to add a picture.
Here are the directions to Emma's apple pie recipe.
4 Apples
A little flour
40 tablespoons of butter
Strawberry Yogurt
Mingon (not sure what this is?)
1. First you cut the apples, then put it in a bowl.
2. Add the flour and stir.
3. Put the Strawberry Yogurt on top.
4. Dump in the Mingon. 5. Stir it all together.
6. Pour into a pie crust.
7. Bake at 79 degrees for 70 nights.
Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Santa and the Thanksgiving Feast
Today was Emma's Thanksgiving Feast at her preschool. The kids also sang a few songs, demonstrated their Thanksgiving knowledge, and recited poems for all the beaming parents, myself included. I had the chore of keeping Kaleb, not quite two, and 3 month old Drew happy and entertained so that everyone could enjoy watching their children. Did I mention this was smack dab in the middle of nap time?
As the program began Kaleb was getting acquainted with a couple of grandparents sitting right next to us. The lady right next to him had white hair and a red sweater. She was talking quite sweetly to him, so if you put it all together it really makes sense. . . He kept calling her Santa. :-)
The kids filed on "stage" and began singing their clever turkey and Pilgrim songs. Next the teacher asked Thanksgiving questions and when Emma answered one, Kaleb finally realized she was up there. He kept yelling, "Emma, Emma, Emma!!!!", quite loudly. These are the hazards of having this many kids so close together, I suppose.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Visit with Santa
Today we went to the mall to do a little Christmas shopping. Well, I would not recommend it with a three year old, 21 month old, and 3 month old. Needless to say, there was not much shopping accomplished.
Somehow we ended up chasing Kaleb around, trying to keep Emma walking rather than stopping to look at every jewelry, clothing, shoe, or toy store and holding Drew while pushing an empty double stroller. I guess we brought the stroller along to hold purchases.
While passing Zales, Emma said, "Mommy please can you buy me this pretty necklace? PLEASE!!!?" Hmmm, what can I say, the girl has expensive taste. I said, "Uhhhh no." She said, "What about a golden ring?" She had been listening to the 12 days of Christmas in the car. :)
Somehow we ended up passing Santa, and even though we have already visited Santa this year, Emma just had to see him again. First maybe I should give you a little background on how we approach Santa at our house.
Ok, label me a fun spoiler and bad mom, but we tell our kids that Santa is not real. We have told them that it is something fun we just pretend about. Maybe it's just that I don't want some chubby guy at the mall that is getting paid to let my kids sit on his lap take the credit for all my Christmas shopping and present wrapping, but that is just how we do it at the Morris house.
Well try as we might, we can't seem to convince Emma that he is not real. I even used the analogy of Halloween. I said, even though you dressed up like Cinderella, you were not Cinderella. The man at the mall dresses like Santa, but he is not Santa Clause. There really isn't a Santa, we just pretend about it. She will say, "I know, mom" then talk about him like he's real in the next sentence. Today was no different.
Mommy: Emma, come on, keep up with us.
(She ignores us and walks over to this mechanical car you can "ride" put in the mall by people who clearly hate parents and climbs on. )
Then, I put her in the stroller since she did not come when called. While buckling her, I notice a milk mustache and do the mommy finger lick and wipe. She starts screaming, "No, I need a dirty face! I need a dirty face!!" Good thing she's not dramatic. :-)
Mommy: Emma you can make a good choice and ride quietly for a few minutes, then I will let you walk again, or you can make a bad choice, keep screaming, and we can just go home.
Then she saw Santa. After much begging to go talk to Santa, we relented. This was their conversation.
Emma: Am I on the good list?
(maybe feeling guilty about the previous dramatic display)
Santa: Ummmm, what would you like for Christmas sweetheart?
(Nice dodge, Santa!)
Emma: A princess!! A pink and purple one!
Santa: (to Kaleb) And what would you like for Christmas?
Kaleb: ummmm. . . . .higyrdahkli
Santa: (to Emma) What did he say?
Emma: We don't always know. . . .
Santa: How about a train? CHOO CHOO!!!
Kaleb: uh-huh
That was all I overheard from the conversation. Needless to say, that is probably the last family trip to the mall for a while, at least for the purpose of shopping.
Somehow we ended up chasing Kaleb around, trying to keep Emma walking rather than stopping to look at every jewelry, clothing, shoe, or toy store and holding Drew while pushing an empty double stroller. I guess we brought the stroller along to hold purchases.
While passing Zales, Emma said, "Mommy please can you buy me this pretty necklace? PLEASE!!!?" Hmmm, what can I say, the girl has expensive taste. I said, "Uhhhh no." She said, "What about a golden ring?" She had been listening to the 12 days of Christmas in the car. :)
Somehow we ended up passing Santa, and even though we have already visited Santa this year, Emma just had to see him again. First maybe I should give you a little background on how we approach Santa at our house.
Ok, label me a fun spoiler and bad mom, but we tell our kids that Santa is not real. We have told them that it is something fun we just pretend about. Maybe it's just that I don't want some chubby guy at the mall that is getting paid to let my kids sit on his lap take the credit for all my Christmas shopping and present wrapping, but that is just how we do it at the Morris house.
Well try as we might, we can't seem to convince Emma that he is not real. I even used the analogy of Halloween. I said, even though you dressed up like Cinderella, you were not Cinderella. The man at the mall dresses like Santa, but he is not Santa Clause. There really isn't a Santa, we just pretend about it. She will say, "I know, mom" then talk about him like he's real in the next sentence. Today was no different.
Mommy: Emma, come on, keep up with us.
(She ignores us and walks over to this mechanical car you can "ride" put in the mall by people who clearly hate parents and climbs on. )
Then, I put her in the stroller since she did not come when called. While buckling her, I notice a milk mustache and do the mommy finger lick and wipe. She starts screaming, "No, I need a dirty face! I need a dirty face!!" Good thing she's not dramatic. :-)
Mommy: Emma you can make a good choice and ride quietly for a few minutes, then I will let you walk again, or you can make a bad choice, keep screaming, and we can just go home.
Then she saw Santa. After much begging to go talk to Santa, we relented. This was their conversation.
Emma: Am I on the good list?
(maybe feeling guilty about the previous dramatic display)
Santa: Ummmm, what would you like for Christmas sweetheart?
(Nice dodge, Santa!)
Emma: A princess!! A pink and purple one!
Santa: (to Kaleb) And what would you like for Christmas?
Kaleb: ummmm. . . . .higyrdahkli
Santa: (to Emma) What did he say?
Emma: We don't always know. . . .
Santa: How about a train? CHOO CHOO!!!
Kaleb: uh-huh
That was all I overheard from the conversation. Needless to say, that is probably the last family trip to the mall for a while, at least for the purpose of shopping.
Emma's Christmas Gift Idea
As with any 3-year old, Emma takes things quite literally. After overhearing Krystin and I discuss buying gifts for a white elephant gift exhange, Emma and Krystin had the following conversation.
Krystin: We're going Christmas shopping for your cousins. What should we buy?
Emma: How about a white elephant?
Krystin: We're going Christmas shopping for your cousins. What should we buy?
Emma: How about a white elephant?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Drinking and Driving
Once a month Krystin and I take the kids to Cherokee Hills Christian Church because they offer free child care for 3 hours. Three hours have never gone so fast! After picking the kids up tonight I started asking Emma "Do you know what a verb is?" Yeah, I realize she's only 3 1/2 years old, but there is never a bad time to start learning the parts of speech. Other than that I am a nerd (and a bit of word-smith by profession) I have no other reason to ask my three-year old about a verb, but Emma's grandma, the English teacher, will be proud. The conversation:
Dad: Emma do you know what a verb is? Can you say verb?
Emma: No. Well, I can say VERB, but I don't know what it means.
Dad: A verb is what we call words that are actions. Like run, jump.
Mom: A verb is something you can do. You run, jump, skip, play. Those are verbs. Can you think of any verbs?
Emma: Drink
Mom: Yeah, great job! Can you think of any others?
Emma: Drive
Dad: Great, the first verbs my daughter thinks of is drinking and driving. Maybe I should re-think taking on DUI clients.
Dad: Emma do you know what a verb is? Can you say verb?
Emma: No. Well, I can say VERB, but I don't know what it means.
Dad: A verb is what we call words that are actions. Like run, jump.
Mom: A verb is something you can do. You run, jump, skip, play. Those are verbs. Can you think of any verbs?
Emma: Drink
Mom: Yeah, great job! Can you think of any others?
Emma: Drive
Dad: Great, the first verbs my daughter thinks of is drinking and driving. Maybe I should re-think taking on DUI clients.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Emma's Theory on Creation
Mommy: Emma, how did the sun get in the sky?
Emma: God put it there.
Mommy: How?
Emma: With his hands, but he had to be careful not to burn them, cause the sun is so hot!
Mommy: So how did he keep from burning his hands?
Emma: With wash cloths. . . Adam gave him one for one hand and Eve gave him one for the other hand.
Mommy: So how come it stays in the sky and doesn't fall down?
Emma: Because it is on God's head on top of a wash cloth so his head doesn't get burned.
Emma: God put it there.
Mommy: How?
Emma: With his hands, but he had to be careful not to burn them, cause the sun is so hot!
Mommy: So how did he keep from burning his hands?
Emma: With wash cloths. . . Adam gave him one for one hand and Eve gave him one for the other hand.
Mommy: So how come it stays in the sky and doesn't fall down?
Emma: Because it is on God's head on top of a wash cloth so his head doesn't get burned.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Emma Accepts Jesus
Our daughter, like most every child, seems to constantly be saying things that crack us up. We started this blog as a way to remember what she says as well as let everyone else in on the creative, amazing, and wonderful world that is obviously centered around Emma. Please enjoy and know that these all come straight from her, uncensored and unashamed.
Emma decided that she wanted to ask Jesus into her heart. She looks up at the ceiling and says "Jesus, will you come into my heart?" Then looks down at her heart and says "Oh, you're in there now." and continued to have her conversation with Jesus.
A few of my favorites from many months ago:
Emma and I were playing before bedtime and she loves being a Princess. I asked her, "If you're the Princess, does that make me the King?" I hoped to get affirmation that I was in deed the ruler of my house, er Kingdom. Instead, Emma replied "Silly daddy, you're not the King, you're Jarod."
While driving in the car, Krystin (Emma's mom/My wife) was talking to me...a lot. I said "Man, chicks talk a lot," implying that Krystin was talking my ear off. Emma quickly corrected me and said "Silly daddy, chickens don't talk."
Emma's Bedtime Prayer: Jesus, thank you that I'm a big girl, mommy's a big girl, and daddy's a big girl too. (I love knowing I'm just one of the girls!)
Silly Songs With Emma: "The farmer went to plant some cheetohs, but he was all of out cheetoh seeds."
To Pastor Phil Hause at church, "Gratulate me, I'm have a new born baby at my house." (Shortly after her baby brother Drew was born)
Emma: Mommy I want to be on TV.
Mommy: How do you think you get on TV?
Emma: You just jump in.
Emma's theory on fevers: If I drink something really fast, I can get the hiccups, and when I scare them away, the fever will be scared away too, all the way down to my toes. Then I can just kick them off.
While watching a nature show on TV about babies, Emma asked her mom "Why did that mommy just poop and the poop turned into a baby?"
Emma, while brushing her hair one morning:
Emma: Mommy, I need to get all the shapes out
Mommy: What shapes Emma?
Emma: You know, the rec-tangles!
Emma: Did you know that monsters are incorporated, mom?
Mommy caught Emma in the bathroom stomping on a roly poly with only a pair of shorts and cowboy boots and a jump rope in hand. She was yelling "Here comes cowboy Emma! I'll get that bug! Don't you come to my house again roly poly!"
Emma decided that she wanted to ask Jesus into her heart. She looks up at the ceiling and says "Jesus, will you come into my heart?" Then looks down at her heart and says "Oh, you're in there now." and continued to have her conversation with Jesus.
A few of my favorites from many months ago:
Emma and I were playing before bedtime and she loves being a Princess. I asked her, "If you're the Princess, does that make me the King?" I hoped to get affirmation that I was in deed the ruler of my house, er Kingdom. Instead, Emma replied "Silly daddy, you're not the King, you're Jarod."
While driving in the car, Krystin (Emma's mom/My wife) was talking to me...a lot. I said "Man, chicks talk a lot," implying that Krystin was talking my ear off. Emma quickly corrected me and said "Silly daddy, chickens don't talk."
Emma's Bedtime Prayer: Jesus, thank you that I'm a big girl, mommy's a big girl, and daddy's a big girl too. (I love knowing I'm just one of the girls!)
Silly Songs With Emma: "The farmer went to plant some cheetohs, but he was all of out cheetoh seeds."
To Pastor Phil Hause at church, "Gratulate me, I'm have a new born baby at my house." (Shortly after her baby brother Drew was born)
Emma: Mommy I want to be on TV.
Mommy: How do you think you get on TV?
Emma: You just jump in.
Emma's theory on fevers: If I drink something really fast, I can get the hiccups, and when I scare them away, the fever will be scared away too, all the way down to my toes. Then I can just kick them off.
While watching a nature show on TV about babies, Emma asked her mom "Why did that mommy just poop and the poop turned into a baby?"
Emma, while brushing her hair one morning:
Emma: Mommy, I need to get all the shapes out
Mommy: What shapes Emma?
Emma: You know, the rec-tangles!
Emma: Did you know that monsters are incorporated, mom?
Mommy caught Emma in the bathroom stomping on a roly poly with only a pair of shorts and cowboy boots and a jump rope in hand. She was yelling "Here comes cowboy Emma! I'll get that bug! Don't you come to my house again roly poly!"
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